Turn About Intruder
by Jaffee Leeds
Summary: AU What happens when the One Ring turns all of the Fellowship into women to stop the quest to Mordor? Can the new feminine Fellowship get to Mordor, while dealing with the fact that they're women? Please R
1. Chapter 1

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Turn about Intruder**

**Chapter One**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

Sam was doing sentry duty, but slowly as the night had crept by he had lain down and slept beside his companions. He sighed, unaware of travesty about to occur. If he had been aware he would have woken his friends and they would have gone running the hills.

While the Fellowship around the camp fire was sleeping, a dark power was at work.

While Frodo Baggins slept the Ring began to stir and pulse with the power of evil. Like an dark fog it flowed through the Ringbearer and out into the nine companions around him, changing everyone it touched.

It curled around the forms of men and elves alike working a foul plan on all of them. Now they would be unable to carry out the quest. Because surely the Fellowship couldn't travel Middle earth if they were all _women_.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

Gandalf was the first to wake up that _terrible_ day. He had slept rather well even if they were camping on the side of a mountain

His sleep fogged mind didn't register the fact he was suddenly beardless. He rolled to his side and lazily looked at the sleeping lumps that were the rest of the Fellowship. The four small bumps that showed the hobbits bundled together brought a smile to the wizard's face.

The three blond heads were broken by the brown curls of Frodo, who lay with his head pillowed on his arm. A snort from one of the men made Gandalf glance to where Boromir lay sleeping.

Boromir always slept on his stomach and now he had his head buried in the crook of his arm. His long red hair curled around his sweetly rounded face and…

Wait just a darn second! Gandalf sat up and rubbed his eyes. Surely…surely that wasn't Boromir! That was a woman!

Just then the 'woman' yawned and stretched slipping out from under her blanket a little, revealing a very feminine form under the suddenly overly big and roomy leather tunic and jerkin. Confound it! They hadn't brought any woman on this quest!

"Boromir!' Gandalf shouted. The red haired woman snapped awake and reached for her sword. She tried to stand, but tripped on his blanket falling with a thump in front of Aragorn.

"Ouch!" she cried, and all the Fellowship snapped awake all of them scrambling for their weapons. But they all stopped and looked at each other with horror, then at themselves and then back at each other.

"What …what devilry is this!" 'Boromir' squealed!

She clapped a hand over her mouth in shock. She looked screamed again when she saw her white womanly hands. She stood and backed away from Aragorn and tripped over Legolas. The beautiful blond elleth screamed and jumped away from the others while Gimli bellowed fearfully.

The four curly haired hobbit…lasses, the tall dark haired woman wearing Aragorn's clothes, and the kindly looking white haired woman. They all pointed at each other.

"You're a woman!" they all screamed.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

TBC


	2. Warrior Princesses

**Thanks To My Reviewers!**

**Annamariah**, and **Anonymous,** and **he mele no lilo, **and**Elvin BlueEyes**and **Legolas's Girl 9, **and **Goergiana**and**Twilight Unicorn**and**Lolly**and **MoroTheWolfGod**, and **Fwe**, and **Jousting Elf with a Sabre**, and **Ki**, and **Anawey**.

Thanks to everyone! I've never such a huge review amount from one chapter! I'm glad you all like it and will put it on your favorites list. **Hint! Hint! **Enjoy the next chapter!

Jaffee Leeds

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Rules for Gender Change By the One Ring of Sauron.**

**1.) **As broad as thy shoulders are so shalt thy bust measurement be. Therefore, if thy shoulders be broad, thy bust measurement shalt be…considerable.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Chapter Two**

**Warrior Princesses**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

The day had gone terribly.

In the first shocked moments after the discovery of their…condition, they simply stood taking in the sight of the other members of the Fellowship. Then slowly they all turned and stared at Gimli.

"You!" Legolas squealed, "Why are _you_ the same!"

"Yeah!" Merry piped up, "How come whatever happened to us didn't happen to you!"

The Fellowship broke into heated arguing as Aragorn, Gandalf, Boromir and Frodo tried to talk at once. Gimli backed away as the rest of them threw questions.

"You still have a beard and look exactly like you did before!" Merry said.

"Meridoc, hold your tongue you don't…" Gandalf began, she started for the hobbit but tripped on her robes and fell. Aragorn and Boromir helped the wizard to her feet all the while staring at each other in mingled disgust and sympathy.

Pippin was crying and babbling wildly, "I can't stop crying! What's wrong with me?"

Legolas was trying to comfort the hobbit while casting hate filled glares at the dwarf. Sam and Frodo were arguing with each other, a sight that unnerved everyone in the Fellowship.

Finally, just as Merry was threatening Gimli with his sword, Aragorn screamed, "Will everyone just shut up!"

It was probably more the sound of the womanly voice that shocked them all into silence more then the words, but they obeyed.

"Now, we are all in a terrible …condition. Tearing each other apart will solve nothing." the tall, dark haired woman explained. "Merry, maybe if you let Gimli talk he can tell us something helpful. Gimli?"

The dwarf shuffled miserably and looked down at the ground in shame. "I am…like the rest of you." he couldn't bring himself to say the word "woman."

"But Gimli," Frodo said confusedly, "You don't look any different."

"But I am!" Gimli wailed, "I can feel in my bones!"

"That's alright Gimli." Boromir spluttered, "We believe you. You don't have to prove it."

"I agree." Gandalf said. "Sam, why don't you and Pippin see about making breakfast. We need something to take our minds of this…condition."

And so they had.

The hobbits had gone about making breakfast although no one was very hungry. Legolas was conscious of the fact that everyone was staring at him out of the corner of their eyes. She shifted and pretended to enjoy the tomato she was eating, or rather she was picking at, and ignoring everyone else.

But the knowledge of everyone's attention irritated the elleth in way she/he had never imagined. She was furious!

"Will you all stop staring at me!" she asked, "There's nothing that I have that you don't!"

"I am sorry Legolas, but you're….well." Aragorn suddenly blushed, "Pretty?"

"Argh!" Legolas threw her plate down, "I just hate you!" and ran off into the woods.

"I'm glad to see everyone's getting along so well." Gandalf said.

The rest of the day was spent with Gandalf going through one spell after the other trying to transform the fellowship into their normal and all male company. However, nothing worked.

"Small wonder." Boromir muttered, she had wrapped herself in her blanket and hastily rearranged her clothes uncover. Her jerkin was now slightly too long, but rather snug, okay, very snug over the bust.

Everyone had been making subtle changes to their clothing hoping that no one noticed.

And everyone pretended like they didn't. They had not been ready for the overwhelming sensation of emotion that hit them like tidal waves. Everything they thought or felt seemed magnified in a huge way, beyond their controlling. The physical change was unnerving but the resulting emotions caused unmanageable out breaks.

Everyone but Aragorn, Gandalf and Boromir had broken down and gone crying off into the woods. The Ranger, wizard and Captain looked at each other in dismay as Merry disappeared to hide her tears in the bark of a friendly tree.

"What are we going to do Gandalf?" Aragorn finally asked. She had plaited her graying brown hair into a long braid down her back and tied it with a leather cord. At least the calm reassuring eyes of the Ranger still gazed out at them.

"We are going to carry on." Gandalf said, "There is nothing to be done. I can only hope that the Lady Galadriel will be able to aid us."

Aragorn looked slightly sick, "We're going on to Lorien?"

"Of course." Gandalf said, "Once we pass through the mountain. Why?"

"Well …Arwen." Aragorn said lamely.

"Isn't she your betrothed?" Boromir said tactlessly, "Oh! I suppose that now you can't….I mean with you being…"

"I know!" Aragorn snapped, "Just hold your tongue will you? Gandalf, please, perhaps we could do something else?"

Her tone indicated that she would rather do anything else then go to Lorien. The wizard shrugged her frail shoulders and puffed on the pipe she had clamped between her lips. It looked very wrong.

"The only other person would be Elrond and I know you wouldn't want to go back there and Saruman would be no help either. In fact," Gandalf's eyes lit up, "I'll wageR he had something to do with this!"

"What can we do till then?" Aragorn asked.

"We'll have to just the same fellowship in a different form. Instead of warrior folk we'll be….ur…."

"Princesses!" Boromir supplied with a hysterical laugh, "We'll be warrior princesses!"


	3. It’s Heavy, It’s My Backpack

**Thanks To My Reviewers!**

**Ellfine **and **Twilight Unicorn**and**KittiMarlowe** and **Fool** **SupPorT**and **Annamariah**and **Fwe** and **MoroTheWolfGod** and **TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWraith**and **Goergiana** and all-evil-grins and **Elvin BlueEyes** and **Luthien and Tari Oronar**and **Legolas's fanatical fan girl**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Rules For Gender Change By The One Ring Of Sauron**

**2.) **Things that were easily carried aforetime will now be too heavy. Therefore thou shalt use the pack pony and feel shame for thy lack of strength. From my tower I shall see and laugh.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Chapter Three**

**It's Heavy, It's My Backpack**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

And so the next day they had gone on up the mountain. They hadn't any real choice in the matter, because, as Aragorn said, "We can't wait around for the Ring to change us back into men."

The Fellowship all sighed with resignation because they knew it was true. However, the packing brought up a new problem that none of them had considered before. Their packs were too heavy to lift!

"I can not believe this!" Boromir said disgustedly. She glared at her shield with defiant green eyes, as if the shield would suddenly change its mind and float all the way home.

"I know." Saw agreed. She was swiftly rearranging packs and pans and dishes from one pack to the other. "I'll have to put most of this stuff on Bill, poor boy."

"Well, I for one feel heartily sick about all this." Frodo sulked, "It's my fault we're all like this anyway." And she glared at the Ring hanging around her neck.

Merry and pippin were arguing over what they should take and what must be left behind. With their curly blond heads together they looked for all the world like a pair of matched china dolls.

"No! Merry we can't leave that behind! Diamond gave me that before I left!' Pippin said.

"It's a dead flower Pippin." Merry said mercilessly, "Besides she wouldn't want to be courted by you now."

Pippin hit Merry in the arm, a punch that the hobbit lad would hardly have noticed. But now she clapped her hand over her arm. "That hurt!" Merry said, and tears unwillingly pooled in her eyes.

In a snap pippin was sorry, "Oh! I didn't mean too." She awkwardly patted her cousin's shoulder, "I was just…you know I didn't think that it would hurt you. It never did before."

Gandalf, who had been listening in now spoke, "Listen, Meridoc, Peregrin, there are going to be a lot of things that are different now that we're all…changed. So we have to take special care of each other and what we do. Besides, her blue eyes twinkled merrily, "It's not nice behavior for such a pair of hobbit lasses."

Soon after, the Fellowship and an overloaded looking Bill the pony were ready to go. Aragorn looked around and suddenly asked, "Where is Legolas?"

"I saw him disappear into the trees a while back." Gimli said, pointing a stubby finger at the forest.

"I'll go get him…I mean her." Boromir said. She trudged off into the trees her shield firmly strapped over both of her shoulders.

The forest could hardly justify the name but it was too thick to think of as just a stand of trees. Boromir looked around and cupping her hands around her mouth called, "Legolas! Legolas! We're ready to depart! Hellllllooooo! Legolas! Where are you?"

There was no answer from the trees surrounding the Captain of Gondor's army. Boromir crossed her arms and tapped her foot a few times before snorting and calling, "We're leaving without you. If you don't want to be left behind you'd better hurry up!"

"I'm over here." A quiet voice said. Boromir looked around and saw the elleth standing a few feet away her bow in her long pale hands.

"Well, come on! We've been looking for you." Boromir's eyes narrowed, "Have you been crying?"

"Yes…no! I mean…maybe…" Legolas scrubbed at her face and slung her bow across her back, "Never mind," She said.

"Wait just a darn second!" Boromir stopped the elleth with a gesture, "You were crying! What's wrong? Should I go and get Aragorn?"

"No! There's nothing wrong with me that they can fix." The elleth snapped back, "Now let's go."

Boromir walked behind the angry elf and thought rabidly what may be wrong with her. Then a thought came to the Gondorian of something Denethor had once taught him (When she was him that is)

"_When women say that nothing is wrong, they are always lying.' Denethor had said sagely, "It's always better to leave them alone then."_

Boromir however was not the kind to let sleeping dogs lie and neither was he ready to leave Legolas alone.

"So…" she began, "You were crying about being a woman?"

"I thought I said nothing was wrong." Legolas said tossing her braids over her shoulder.

"Oh, I know." Boromir returned amiably. "But I make it a rule to never trust anyone outside my own race.'

"Goody for you." Was the elleth's reply.

"Then you were crying because you want to go home and forget all about the Ring and the Fellowship!" Boromir said. She had been watching the color of Legolas's skin change as she had spoken and was prepared for when the elleth whirled on her.

"Honestly! You never know when to give you to do? Fine, you want to know why? Because I can't draw my bow anymore that's why! Because I am too stupidly weak to do it!" Legolas whirled away, "I hope you're happy now!"

"Oh…" Boromir felt sympathetic, "I can't lift my shield without using both hands." She offered by way of an apology.

The elleth stopped and breathed deeply, "I'm sorry too. I just…everything about this is so wrong."

"Well, maybe the elf witch will be able to help us." Boromir said, 'Come on, they'll be wondering what's taking us so long. I don't want them to think we were braiding each other's hair or something."

"That would be bad." Legolas agreed, she eyed Boromir's long red hair, "Although it will get awfully tangled if you leave it like that."

"Don't even think about it elf!" Boromir quickened her pace, "My hair is my own. I'd sooner cut it all off then have you touch it!"

Soon they broke through the tree line and rejoined the Fellowship. Everyone breathed a sign of relief when they saw the pair of them.

"There you are!" Aragorn said, "You could have been braiding each other's hair for a long as you were gone."

Boromir grinned at Legolas and said, "Maybe some other time, I'm going for the wild ranger look for now."

"Indeed." Legolas said, "A rugged Gondorian."

"Idiots." Aragorn muttered and they began the long walk up the mountain.


	4. Let’s be Best Friends

**Thanks To My Reviewers!**

**TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWraith**and **Faerlas** and **El Deno** and **nobody **and **Tera Earth** and **Luthien and Tari Oronar **and **Annamariah** and **Elithraniel** and **MoroTheWolfGod** and **Legolas's fanatical fan girl** and **Twilight Unicorn** and **ziggy **and **dragondaughter17** and **Ellfine** and **Fwe** and **Surfredia** and **Elvin BlueEyes**.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Rules For Gender Change By The One Ring Of Sauron**

**3.) **Thou shalt learn to understand why women have so many friends. Thou shalt learn to lean on thy friends for support and not be ashamed of it. Thy dependence on thy friends will make you feel stupid, but I shall make it so.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Chapter Four**

**Let's be Best Friends **

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

While the snow storm raged on the mountain and the Fellowship struggled to keep the hobbits alive, Boromir cut her hair.

The little shelter they had was barely keeping out the whistling wind that cut right through their clothing. Snow built up around the little band as they squeezed together. The tiny fire that they had was doing its best to keep them warm but the odds were against it doing very much.

'What are you doing Boromir?" Aragorn asked, they were huddled together in the effort to shield the four shivering hobbit lasses.

"I'm just making life more practical." The red hair responded, she pulled a short and deadly looking blade from her belt and watched it glint in the fire light.

Aragorn grabbed her waist tightly in her own and said, "No Boromir, killing yourself will not make things easier! Think of the grief it would bring your family! I beg you!"

Boromir yanked free and snarled, "I'm not going to kill myself you idiot! If I was going to kill myself I would certainly not to do here in front of you all and I would certainly not slit my wrist to do so!"

So saying she pulled her long beautiful hair around her shoulder and began hacking at it. The hobbits were too cold to noticing what was going on, Gimli had actually fallen asleep and Gandalf and Legolas were busy mediating about something.

Aragorn watched as the gold red waves fall onto the snow. Boromir, used to trimming her hair on the battle field did a rather good if uneven job of making herself look terrible. Finally with a delicate pull the long tress fell free and Boromir sheathed her blade. Her hair hung in uneven chin length stands.

"I feel like a new man…person." She said.

"You look like a hedgehog." Aragorn commented dryly.

Boromir shot her a look that clearly said, 'Stay away ranger!' but she said nothing.

Legolas awoke and blinked a few times and said, "Good god Boromir! What happened to you?"

"I cut my hair to a more practical length!" the Gondorian defended. "I couldn't go around with that mane! It was getting caught in everything!"

"But your hair was so beautiful!' the elleth whined, then she caught herself and said, 'I mean…for a man turned into a woman…I mean I don't think that you're pretty…not in that way you understand…please, I."

"I know what you mean!" Boromir snapped, "Just shut up for once! I'm tired of you and Aragorn always acting like you know what I should and shouldn't be doing! I am forty years old for heaven's sake!"

"Well, I am sorry." Legolas said, she turned her face away and sniffed loudly.

Aragorn cuffed Boromir lightly and said, "Can't you be kinder? This is very hard for Legolas!"

Forgetting caution or the sleeping hobbits Boromir laughed sarcastically, "And it it's hard for me! For the love of god Aragorn! My father will absolutely kill me if he finds out I've been turned into a woman!"

"You're not the only one suffering here Boromir!" Aragorn counted, "Legolas is the only male in his family and is supposed to take his father's place as king someday! He can't do that as a woman! And I can't become king of Gondor because I'm a woman!"

They all stared at each other and as the ranger's last words were spoken the wind died down completely. As if on cue Gandalf snorted and stood up, "Time to go," she said brightly, "I'm glad to see you're all awake!"

Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas looked at each other sullenly, but said nothing. Gandalf looked at Boromir and then at the pile of red hair on the snow.

"Porcupine." the wizard muttered darkly.

In the pure light of dawn the situation they were in looked grim, not them the landscape, they looked ravishingly good. Well, that is everyone, but Boromir.

With a snug grin Legolas vaulted herself onto the top of the snow. Perched on the crusty ice of the snow she pranced a few feet and then with a coquettish smile she flipped head over heels backward.

"Show off." Gimli muttered.

"I've never seen anything like that in my life!" Sam gasped, "Look at that!"

The hobbits and Boromir watched as Legolas showed off doing cartwheels and handstands with ease and perfect grace. The hobbits rosy cheeks and cheery giggles were a relief to the humans and Istari. The three had huddled together and discussed the best thing to do.

"One of us has to go and see what's in front of us." Aragorn said, her grey eyes serious. "We can't bring the hobbits into a position that might be dangerous."

"Quite right Aragorn." Gandalf said, "I think I know who should go first."

"Who?" Boromir asked, "Obviously not me."

"Legolas of course." Gandalf answered, her blue eyes twinkling with mirth.

Legolas every inch the elf she was before over heard and called happily, "I'm off to find the sun!"

She nanced away her bow and quiver still strapped over her narrow shoulders. For another frozen hour the Fellowship waited for the elf to return with a full report of what was what.,

Meanwhile the hobbits were busy eating the semi frozen food they had while cracking jokes about Boromir's hair. Boromir finally challenged them to a snowball fight and they forgot about the temperature and the bad hair cut. Even Gimli and Aragorn snuck a few of the icy missiles at the crop haired Gondorian woman.

"Not fair Boromir! You're hands are bigger!" Pippin whined, "My snowballs are too small!"

"Then come over here and it will be us against the rest of them." Boromir smiled, her face looking more relecxed then it had in days.

Wild snowball flinging went on for minutes while the air was thick with the hail of cries of triumph and dismay. It was great fun, until…well.

Later, no one could remember who had thrown the snowball, but someone did. Mostly likely it was Boromir because none of the hobbits could have threw it quite that far, but Pippin did look rather guilty later. But the icy snowball smacked right into Legolas' face as she appeared over the hills of snow.

"Ow!" she screamed. Everyone rushed toward her but got bogged down in the snow. Finally Aragorn reached the elleth and pulling her hands away from her face saw that blood was poured out of a very broken looking nose.

"Don't touch it! Don't touch it!" she squealed.

"I have to look at it my friend hold still." Aragorn said gently.

Everyone crowded around to watch as Aragorn carefully examined the elleth's broken nose. Sam volunteered a handkerchief and helped melt snow to water help clean up the rapidly bruising nose.

"You'll be alright. A bit black and blue for a day or two but you should be fine." Aragorn finally announced.

"What I want to know." Legolas said in a nasally tone, "Is what idiot threw that thin\g in the first place."

Aragorn looked at the Fellowship and everyone looked back innocently. "I don't think we'll be finding out anytime soon Legolas. Come, tell us what you saw?"

An hour later Aragorn and Boromir were busy plowing a path through the snow with a hobbit on their backs. The going was tough but neither of the Gondorians would ever admit how hard it really was. After all the hobbits would never have the strength to break through on their own.

There was a lot of labored breathing, huffing and puffing but slowly and surely all the hobbits were moved to safety. At the bottom of the mountain they all collapsed into a heap in exhaustion. Legolas was breathing in a funny whistling manner and even in their state the hobbits couldn't stop giggling.

Sam managed to subdue herself and began rummaging through the packs for the makings of dinner. Boromir hauled herself up and began collecting wood like she usually did, making the two youngest hobbits help. They were tired yes, but they needed something to do other then poke fun at everyone else.

"I've never been so tired in my life." Pippin said. "I'll sleep for forever!"

"Not forever because we have to head off tomorrow for Moria." Merry said. She shifted the wood in her arms. She smiled brightly but to her surprise Pippin began to cry.

"I don't want to go on! I'm tired! I can't go on anymore." She dropped her wood and buried her face in her hands. Merry sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her cousin's shoulders.

"I know pip, don't cry." she said. "I'm tired too. But remember, we're doing this for Frodo."

"Maybe we shouldn't have come." Pippin sobbed, "We should have gone back to the Shire. At least we would still be men."

"Maybe, but we're here and we can't just give up on our friends. I'd never give up on you." Merry smiled, "Even if you did steal my favorite pipe and weed yesterday."

"But I didn't!" Pippin suddenly angry, "It was my pipe in the first place!"

"I should say not!' Merry protested, "I won it from you in that game at Bilbo's party!"

"I won that game not you! You were too busy making eyes at that lass too notice!"

Their voices rose as they argued, and back at the camp Gimli exchanged glances with Aragorn. They puffed on their pipes for a few moments and finally Gimli said, "At least things are getting back to normal."


	5. Beginnings of Many Endings

**Thanks To My Reviewers!**

**Anonymous **and **MoroTheWolfGod**and**Mirlanthiriel**and **Ellfine**and **Elvin BlueEyes**and **frodofreak88**and **silverkonekotsukari**and **Twilight Unicorn**and **NataNly**and **KittiMarlowe**and**TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWraith**and**Annamariah**and **randomrohanfreak**and**Fool SupPorT**and**Das Blume**and **Fwe**

**I adore you all! You make me feel so loved! Sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the rest have been. It's been a long week at college.**

**Luv, **

_**Jaffee**_

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Chapter Five**

**Beginnings of Many Endings**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Rules For Gender Change By The One Ring Of Sauron**

4.) Just when thou thinkist that being a woman is not bad the pains shall begin. First they shall be only annoying, then cometh the great horror of womanhood.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

"So fell the last king of Amrach in the days of Snow while the sun slept in Finnishtion." Sam concluded. She had been telling an epic tale to the fellowship to pass the time during which they looked for the door to Moria.

"Wow, that was amazing." Pippin sighed. "That was lovely Sam, where did you hear that?"

Sam blushed and looked away and said, "Oh, I don't remember."

Frodo leant over and said, "You made it up didn't you. If you did it was perfect."

"Thank you, it was nothing really." Sam looked pleased and tossed her curls over her shoulder.

They had been walking along the high vaulted cliffs for hours while Gimli would swing an axe at the wall saying something about how great dwarven doors were hidden. Legolas trailed behind her eyes glued to the bow in her hands. She was busy restringing it with her own hair. Somehow she managed to miss very rock and crack in the ground that might have tripped her. All without looking up once.

"How does she do that?" Boromir asked Gandalf.

Gandalf, who was in a bad mood said, "I don't know, but if we don't get to Moria soon I swear that…"

"…Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight." Gimli babbled on loudly. Suddenly she danced around and said "There it is!"

The moon, as if one cue slipped from behind the clouds and the smooth cravings lit with an eerie blue light. A tree and many words in elvish script ran along the door.

Boromir shifted from one foot to the other, "Ur…can we go inside I have a bad feeling about this place."

"You're not scared are you?" Aragorn said, her grey blues twinkled weirdly in the moonlight and Boromir glanced away.

"No, I am not." She said, "I have never been afraid of the dark."

'Be quiet you two." Legolas, finished with her bow nudged them in the back as Gandalf intoned the proper words.

Only, they weren't the proper words at all. In fact nothing happened even as Gandalf went through one spell after the other. Gandalf then proceeded to do everything short of swearing at the door while Pippin stood by and made irritating comments.

Meanwhile Aragorn and Sam were bidding goodbye to Bill. The pony seemed in a usual haste to be out of the area. The departure of the faithful pony didn't seem to bother the other hobbits because they were busy seeing how far they could throw rocks into the murky black water.

"I can still throw farther then you can Pip." Merry crowed with delight.

"Not fair!" Pippin tossed a pebble at the back of Merry's head only to have it miss completely and give Frodo a crack on the head.

"Ow!" Frodo lowered his hand and saw blood. "Can't you two find anything else better to do?" she said. She wiped away at the tiny cut.

Aragorn knocked Merry and pippin's heads together and said grimly, "Don't disturb the water, you never know what might be living in it."

At that moment the water rippled but it was only Gimli washing his hands. Aragorn shot her a look and Gimli snorted and drew away from the water. She sat beside Legolas who was testing the drawing power of her restrung bow. The long gossamer strands of her hair gleamed in the moonlight as she pulled them back.

"Mummm." She said.

"What does that mean?" Gimli asked, "That it'll work now?"

"Ahum." Legolas braced at arrow and pulled back the cord, "Yes," she murmured again, "Quite satisfactory."

Frodo suddenly started up and encouraged the wizard by solving the riddle before the centuries old wizard could. Boromir snickered into her sleeve and received a kick from Aragorn.

But even as they entered the dark cave it became quite clear that this was a realm of the dead now, not the living. With a disgusted expression Legolas pulled an arrow out of a skeleton, "Goblins." She hissed.

"Goblins?" Boromir looked confused, "where did they come from I thought only orcs..." Aragorn clamped a hand over the other woman's mouth and said, "Hush! They might hear you."

As they backed down the water rippled and something long cold and slimy wrapped around Frodo and began dragging her away.

"Help!" she shrieked. The others rushed out to battle the creature but the waving arms and tentacles of the beast churned the water and sent sprays of mud and earth into they eyes.

"Strider!' Sam screamed, she made as if to dart in but Boromir shoved her back as she and Aragorn drove into the water swords flashing wildly.

With a sickening church Aragorn drove his sword through the tentacle holding Frodo and with perfect timing she landed in Boromir's arms narrowly missing the edge of her drawn sword. They struggled out of the water as Gandalf herded the hobbits deeper into the cave.

Legolas, her nose showing blue and greenish in the light drew back her bow and with all the training of her life location the pulsing black eye of the creature. "Elbereth!" she yelled and let loss the shaft.

It whistled by the humans' heads and suddenly the tentacle that had been plucking at their cloths and limbs, vanished.

Only to burst with hate toward, nearly dragging its heaving body onto the dry ground. The Fellowship, screaming and yelling plunged into the darkness, anywhere away from the grasping, clawing arms of the watcher.

They fell in a heap as the doors of Moria crushed the Watcher behind them. Gasping, crying and in some cases cursing in a very unladylike manner, they were alive. Gandalf pulled herself up and shook the dirt and dust from her robes. She was in a worse mood now.

"We now have but one choice. We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world." She said. She stamped her staff on the ground and a blue light began to emit from the stem.

"How does he do that?" Pippin sighed.

Boromir dragged her up and made sure the hobbit was unharmed while saying, "She a wizard, they do things like that."

"It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed." Gandalf said with a pointed look at the hobbits.

And so they walked on into the glistening beauty of Moria's abandoned caves. As the days passed they told old tales of Bilbo's adventures, great gifts and strange happenings in the first ages. Legolas, uncomfortable in the oppressive dark followed right behind Aragorn, bumping into her every time they stopped. Her nose was already healed, the green having faded away leaving her face the perfect even white of before the accident.

Finally, when they had every hope of finding the way out that evening, Gandalf stopped at a three ways hall and said, "I have no memories of this place."

"Great, just great." Merry said. They settled down and waited, Aragorn, Legolas and Boromir keeping guard against, they really didn't know what. The darkness of Moria was unlike anything the humans or hobbits had even experienced much less the surface loving elf.

Strange echoes sounded off the high walls and made them jump at every sound of falling rock. Merry and Frodo sat together watching the others Sam was busy calming Pippin with a whispered story and Gimli was sharpening her axe.

'Do you think we're lost Frodo?" Merry whispered.

"I don't know Merry, I hope that." Frodo tried to smile, "Gandalf will find a way out."

"I'm not so sure." Merry said, "I think we'll be in here forever somehow, if something doesn't happen soon. What's wrong?"

Frodo rubbed her stomach, "Nothing, maybe just something I ate."

"Maybe you should have Aragorn take a look at you?" Merry suggested.

"No. I'm sure it's nothing." Frodo said. She had no idea how wrong she would prove to be.


	6. All Kinds Of Pain

**Reviewer Reponses: ****Tera Earth**and**Annamariah**and**Georgianna**and**Elvin BlueEyes**and**MusicalCharlatan**and **Fool SupPorT**and**MoroTheWolfGod**and**NataNly**and**TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWraith**and**all-evil-grins**and**frodofreak88**and**Fwe**and** Luthien and Tari Otner**

**Sorry this is short and not very funny but i had only a little time to finish it. **

**Love **

**Jaffee**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Chapter Six **

**All Kinds Of Pain**

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Rules for gender Change By the One Ring Of Sauron**

**5.) **Womanhood will bring pain and trial. Battle as come to those people and great shall be the woe. The pain of death and grief will add to thy already overtaxed body. There should be weeping and eating of chocolate for comfort.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

By morning Frodo was in great pain and experiencing the worst aspects of being a woman. The rest of the Fellowship wanted to help, but most were too embarrassed or totally lacking in knowledge to aid the suffering Ring bearer.

"But I thought you had lots of sister!" Boromir said pointing at Legolas with her sword, "How come you can help her?"

Legolas pushed the sword tip away and said, "I'm afraid that it doesn't quite work that way Human. Elven women don't…well, that is they don't …Look, when tow elves really love each other…"

"Oh for heaven's sake!" Aragorn interjected. The Dúnedain woman turned to Boromir and said, "Elven men and women have the ability to choose when they create a child. When they wish to procreate both of them…make the conscious decision and only then do the women go through this…process."

"Oh." Boromir said very red in the face, "I see."

Although in reality she wasn't quite sure what Aragorn meant. The hobbits were clustered together with the wizard receiving an explanation of what was happening to Frodo and would likely happen to them. To the poor Fellowship nothing could have been worse.

There were those among them that had nothing to worry about. Gandalf and Aragorn were too old to worry about anything as horrific as…womanhood in that way. As was Legolas for reason already explained.

But for the other young women it was only a horrible waiting game until they too were visited by this horror. But for the time being they resumed their trek through the darkness of Moria, Frodo walking in the middle with her friend and cousins all around her.

When they reached the dusty rumble that was Balin's tomb Gimli broke. She cried and raged and gently brushed away the dust and cobwebs from the runes that spelled his name. "I'd hoped at least." she wept, "That he'd be alive."

Gandalf raised the fragile book from the hands of the slain dwarf and read the terrifying lines, _"They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. The drums, drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A Shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming." _

Just then when they were all feeling the effects of the reading and the fatigue of the days walk, a shattering clang and crash of metal on stone shook the room. They whirled to find Pippin staring down into an old well the end of an arrow in her fingers.

It didn't take Gandalf long to react, "Fool of a Took! Next time throw yourself in and rid us of your stupidity!"

Frodo felt a horrible feeling of dread come over her and she drew Sting fully from its sheath, "Gandalf!" she cried, "Orcs!"

Gandalf shoved the frail little hobbit lasses back into the shadows, "Stay back." she commanded, "Don't move unless there is no other choice!"

During this time Boromir, Aragorn and Legolas were hurling anything against the door that they could find. Gimli had hoisted herself onto the tomb and cried, "Let them come! There's one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath!"

Boromir panted, 'They have… a…. cave troll….with them!"

"Great!" Legolas groaned, "Just what we needed!"

The two women and elleth positioned themselves at the gate to meet the first onslaught. Gandalf stood with her staff and sword held together in on power pair pointed toward the door. The orcs did not waste time. Powered by the drive for fresh meat they plunged forward in a sickening frenzy. They had no idea that the power that burned in the Fellowship for life and even greater freedom for Middle Earth.

The orcs burst into the room, and stopped dead. Here were not the men or dwarves they had hoped to kill but a group of women! Their confusion was short lived as they hurled themselves forward into the battle.

The first wave of orcs fell to the flashing arrows of Legolas and Aragorn, and even more copses fell under the whirring power of Boromir's blade. All the pent up energy and emotion of the last few weeks. Maybe they were women, but women fight like cats when anyone comes too close for comfort.

The battle would have turned quickly had the cave troll not burst in and begun raining terror on all their heads. More orcs fell just from that torture creature seeking revenge on its masters.

The hobbits did their best, beaning as many orcs as possible with their deadly aimed rocks. Aragorn and Boromir fought back to back blades falling, tugging, biting, in a whirlwind of death. Gimli fought with the abandonment of grief and Gandalf with the knowledge that the quest could very well end here if they could not escape the cave alive.

Legolas swiftly saw that she alone would be able to kill the reeking troll. Finding a foothold her pulled herself over onto the rocky overhang and using arrows, and bow killed off the coming orcs.

With a deep breath and leap she was on the troll moving and swaying with the biking creature always managing to elude the clasping, cleaving hands. With deadly famous aim the pride of Mirkwood loaded her bow and with a cry to heaven plunged two arrows deep into the troll's skull. She leapt free just as it grabbed at her legs.

But in the fight the creature refused to die! The Fellowship watched helplessly as Aragorn was thrown into the pillar with a force that would have killed a lesser woman. Then Gandalf saw with horror that Frodo was cornered and helpless before the troll.

The spear fell and, her face twisting in agony, so did Frodo. With hatred burning in her eyes Legolas fired her last arrows into the troll's mouth and it thundered to the floor.

Dead.

The women all gathered around the motionless hobbit lass. Aragorn could not stop the tears from filling her eyes as she crouched beside the poor creature.

"Oh no."she whispered. But whne the hobbit was turned over she gasped and pulled air into her ungs in great gasps.

"She's a live!" Sam cried and flung her arms around Frodo and hugged her.

"You should be dead. That spear would have skewered a wild boar." Boromir said in disbelief.

Gandalf leaned on her staff and smiled, "I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye."

Frodo parted her shirt just a bit so the beauty of the mithril vest could be seen and Gimli chuckled, "You're full of surprises Master Baggins!"

But they could not rest for long. With the human's all but dragging the hobbits forward they fled through the caves. The walls seemed to come alive with orcs as they ran over the narrow stone staircases and through the great halls.

But when they had thought all would be lost at the hands of the milling orcs a thunder of flaming light grew in the end of the cavern. The orcs fled at the sound and sight and Gandalf's face fell. She knew, all too well, what threat they now faced.

"What is this new devilry?" Boromir panted.

"A Balrog. A demon of the ancient world. The foe is beyond any of you. Run!" Gandalf explained and then led the charge forward deeper toward the way out.

Finally when the Fellowship had crossed the bridge they looked back to see the frail wizard meeting the awesome black demon her sword and staff once again joined together her voice meeting thunder with thunder.

"Gandalf!" Frodo screamed desperately.

The wizard ignored the hobbit, concentrating all her power on the beast before her. "I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor! The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn!"

The Balrog rained fire and brimstone down on the wizard but her stance held firm. The power of ages breathed within her and all that is good and right held her up, "Go back to the shadow! You shall not pass!"

"No!" Frodo screamed again as the whip licked up through space and pulled the wizard down. Boromir lunged forward and grabbed the hobbit to her.

"No!" she cried, 'No! No!"

At that moment Gandalf called out once more, "Fly you fools!"

With that the wizard fell, far out of sight, so quickly that it was terrible. Boromir and Legolas dragged the hobbits out and away but Aragorn was paralyzed with shock. Her friend, the one who was to have guided them all was gone. In that moment she knew she had to keep the Fellowship safe.

When they reached the fading light of the outside they collapsed. Tears and cries echoed off the cold hard mountain as they held each other and wept. Boromir was the leaning ost for the weeping hobbits and Legolas looked to Aragorn her blue eyes filled with confused and fear.

"Aragorn? What…what can we do?" she whispered fearfully.

"We have to carry on." the Dúnedain said, her voice cracking a bit, "We have to reach Lothlorien by night fall. Quickly, get them up, we seek for Lady Galadriel."


	7. Men are From Lorien, Women are from ?

**Disclaimers: **I own none of the characters herein contained. I did borrow the number of steps to the royal talan from "Welcome to Rivendell Mr. Anderson" with permission. The rule by Sauron is my version of a real bible verse.

**Ellfine : ** Thank you for your good parenting! I kiss your feet in honor! It's nice to have a parent caring what their children are exposed too. I think I'll cover Lorien in two chapters because there is so much humor available there.

**silverkonekotsukari**Now, be grateful for what you have my daughter. Remember that when Eru gave humans mortally it was considered a gift. Be happy with the ability to die! Mwhahahahahah! No kidding, if I could choose too I would.

**NenyaVilyaNenya**Your name is really interesting, but maybe you should name Narya as well. Anyway, thanks for your review I drink them up!

**Annamariah**Oh my gosh that would have been so funny! I have up dated Exiled as you know, and as for typos...I'm just too lazy to fix them. Have fun.

**Elvin BlueEyes**Yes, over the mysteries of the female life there is drawn a veil. Best left undisturbed.

**MusicalCharlatan**I'm not a madam yet. Miss is enough. I'm glad you like it and here's your next chapter.

**Fwe**I can't post when I want for the simple reason that I live at home and my parent hate LOTR. They have no idea that I have read the books or seen the movies even. I write and post when I have the chance i.e. when they're not home. I'm glad that you understood the need for humor; sometimes people who write humor don't understand that they need breaks in the hilarity as well.

**frodofreak88**Deep breathes child! Deep breathes!

**TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWraith**Snigger, snigger. That's great! I love Celeborn. By the way, your name is rocking awesome.

**Georgianna**Ahhhh, well, that's sweet of you.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

_**Chapter Seven**_

_**Men are from Lorien, Women are from ?**_

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

**Rules for gender Change By the One Ring Of Sauron**

**7.) **Yea, the Galadhrim opened their mouth wide against the Fellowship, and said, Aha, aha, our eye hath seen it all now. Woe unto those foolish Galadhrim, for their distraction shall come upon them swiftly, on the wings of a woman's wrath.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

As the Fellowship, bedraggled and sorrowful, moved toward the borders of Lothlorien, the Galadhrim were falling into each other's arms with laughter. Four brothers in particular were fairly weeping with laughter as the eight fellowship members entered the fringes of Lorien.

Well, the three oldest were laughing, the youngest brother, a skinny, reedying looking youth was all sympathy for them. He was shorter and red haired unlike his older brothers, and he had the bad habit of taking himself much too seriously.

Right now he was frowning severely on his three oldest brothers trying to shame them into silence. Instead, Saelbeth only looked like he had eaten something very sour.

"Oh for the Valar's sake." Orophin wheezed, "I can't believe this is happening!"

"Look at Estel! He's positively ravishing!" Rumil added, "And those poor halfings look so miserable."

Haldir was struggling valiantly to bite back the laughter that pulled at the corners of his mouth. But the sight of the tall rangerly looking woman and the study red haired woman carrying the littlest hobbit lass was too much for even his usually stoic persona.

"Shut your mouths!" he ordered sharply, his smile betraying his real feelings, "Lady Galadriel said to welcome the Fellowship and bring them before her and Lord Celeborn."

"But she never said anything about they're being…being…" Rumil could not finish as he leaned on the talan wall for support.

'Men!" Orophin squeaked.

"I know." Haldir said, "But …that is entirely beside the point."

"I should say that is entirely the point." Orophin chortled gleefully. Saelbeth frowned and stalked passed his siblings with his best imitation of Haldir.

"Well, I think you're behavior has been horrible." he squeaked, "Lady Galadriel would be ashamed of you. Those poor women need help. Why, they're almost collapsing from exhaustion!"

Haldir snapped to attention and smacked his other brothers on the back of the head, "Alright you two! That's enough. Now, go and fetch the rest of the Galadhrim from the talans near and we'll greet them."

The two ellons slipped through the branches still giggling slightly. Haldir nodded to his youngest brother. "That was well done Saelbeth. I am…." Haldir too a deep breath forcing the smile from his face, "…quite impressed with your control. It was quite suitable."

Saelbeth nodded and puffed his narrow chest with proud. "I suppose we must go down now."

"Right." Haldir agreed but as they moved over the talan floor Haldir laid a hand on his brother's arm, "Do you hear that?"

Saelbeth cocked his head to the side and heard the wheezy rasp of harsh breathing. Saelbeth's eyes went wide with confusion.

"What in Middle earth is that?" he asked.

Haldir listened a moment more and said, "It's the dwarf."

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

Boromir felt uneasy. Ever since they had entered the golden forest of Lothlorien she had the strangest sensation that they were being watched, and not by orcs.

"Did you hear that?" she asked, whirling around her eyes searching the topmost leaves. Aragorn shook her head and motioned for the Gondorian to keep moving, "I tell you I could have swore to hearing someone laughing!"

"Boromir." Aragorn whispered, "Do not upset the hobbits. It's bad enough as it is, Pippin only now stopped crying."

"Oh, sorry." she apologized. She looked back at the youngest hobbit and saw that she had finally stopped weeping. All the hobbits were red eyed and exhausted, but then again they all were. Boromir and Aragorn had been overwhelmed with their own grief at the loss of the wizard. Each had known the kindly Istari since they were children….and boys.

In a bizarre twist of things, Gimli had cried the hardest. The double grief of losing her cousin and the wizard she had wept most volubly for the hour after they left the mountains of Moria. Aragorn had finally managed to calm her reminding the dwarf that they may be tracked by orcs.

Now Gimli was being unhelpful with comments like, "Stay close, young hobbits. They say that a great sorceress lives in these woods. An Elf-witch of terrible power. All who look upon her, fall under her spell."

"Gimli," Legolas hissed.

The dwarf ignored her, "And are never seen again. Well, here's one Dwarf she won't ensnare so easily. I have the eyes of a hawk and ears of a fox."

Suddenly the air was spilt by a high pitched scream from Pippin that had all the elves clapping their hands over their sensitive ears. The women of the Fellowship backed into a tight group finding themselves surrounded by the gleaming golden arrows of the Galadhrim.

Aragorn was thrilled! This meant that a good friends was nearby! But as the Dúnedain looked for the familiar face of the Marchwarden, however, he was no where to seen. Just then the sound of a stifled laugh came from behind a tree and then the Marchwarden appeared his face set and his eyes trained just over their heads.

"The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot him …her in the dark." Haldir said. The slip was too much for one of the archer who began to laugh into his sleeve. Haldir barked, "Out Rumil! You're relieved of duty for the rest of the year!"

Haldir bowed to Legolas and introduced himself, "Mae govannen, Legolas heir of Greenwood the great."

Aragorn couldn't help but admire the smoothing over of ruffled feathers by this greeting. The tension that had bristled when the Marchwarden spoke to the elleth disappeared as she entered his bow with something like a curtsy.

"Govannas vîn gwennen le, Haldir o Lórien."

Aragorn would have hugged Haldir as she was accustomed to do but now. Haldir bowed again to the Dúnedain woman and said, "Welcome back Aragorn Dúnedain, it has been too long."

"So much for the legendary courtesy of the elves." Gimli huffed, "You could speak to the rest of us as well."

Haldir looked far down till his eyes met those of the irate dwarf, "We have not had dealing with the dwarves since the **_dark _**days." he said heavily.

At that another one of the elves cracked up and said, "And we've never had dealings with dwarf women before either! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

At that the Fellowship snapped. The strain of the last few days had been far too much to deal with farther insult. They flung themselves into the surrounding Galadhrim and arrows flew harmlessly into trees as the elves went down under the flying hobbits, dwarf and men.

Legolas neatly landed her fist into Rumil's mouth while kneeing another one of the ellon's in the gut. The hobbits beaned two Galadhrim out cold with a few handy rocks, while Boromir took Saelbeth and Orophin on a fit of rage. She flung he shield into Orophin's surprised face and tackled Saelbeth with the skill of years of wrestling training.

That's what you get for giving me that glad eye you pervert!" she yelled as she threw him to the ground and twisted his arm behind his back.

Before Haldir and Aragorn could stop them the poor Galadhrim had been thoroughly bitten, scratched, hit and kicked by the irate fellowship. Gimli was the last one pulled away from a struggling ellon who she had managed to back into a corner and was threatening with her axe.

"That's enough of this!" Aragorn shrieked.

The Fellowship froze and in a spilt second were imprisoned by another detachment of the Galadhrim who appeared from nowhere at Haldir's signal. Each hobbit was held by a single solider and the dwarf and Boromir each earned themselves three guards. Legolas meantime had been pinioned by four hefty looking ellons with grime expressions.

"I hope we'll have no of this." Aragorn said calmly glaring from one Fellowship member to the next, "This is Caras Galadhon. The heart of Elvendom on earth. Realm of the Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light. And I except you to behave like it!"

The Fellowship was escorted through the paths of Lothlorien by the Galadhrim. Haldir walked ahead of them all so he could indulge in a small smile. Poor Saelbeth, he was not doubt disillusioned about women now. Exhaustion! They were a small army for Valar's sake! He always wondered by human women and dwarves were never allowed to fight, if they had been they wouldn't be fighting Sauron now.

_qpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqpqp_

It was late in the night when the Fellowship finally reached the Talan of the Lord and Lady of Lothlorien. The stairs were so numerous that Merry began to cry with exhaustion. Without a word Haldir scooped up the crying hobbit and carried her to the top of the 243 steps.

Merry pressed her face against the Marchwarden's shoulder and dried her tears, wishing for all the world to be anywhere but Lothlorien. But soon they reached the meeting room where the Lady and Lord entered in a halo of silver light. As if a benediction had been said over the Fellowship, weariness dropped away if only for a moment.

Lord Celeborn bowed to the women and spoke "The enemy knows you have entered here. What hope you had in secrecy is now gone. Eight there are here, yet nine there were set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him. I can no longer see him from afar."

Tears began to flow again as Galadriel spoke softly, "Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land. He…" Galadriel stopped, blushed and hurried on, "she has fallen into shadow."

At his wife's mistake Celeborn had remained perfectly calm but a vein in his neck twitched as he choked on laughter. He was sorry for the Istari he truly was, but laughter will surface at the most inopportune times.

"He was taken by both shadow and flame." Legolas sobbed, "A Balrog of Morgoth, for we went needlessly into the net of Moria." And then the daughter of Thranduil cast a dirty look at Frodo and Gimli.

"Needless were none of the deed of Gandalf in life. We do not yet know his…her…his… full purpose." Galadriel blustered, "Do not let the great emptiness of Khazad-dûm fill your heart, Gimli, son … child of Glóin. For the world has grown full of peril and in all lands love is now mingled with grief."

Boromir, who had been trying her hardest to hide behind Aragorn suddenly found herself staring deep into the eyes of the Lady of Light. All the fears and pain of the last days, combined with the hopelessness of the quest caused her to break down. Her cropped hair fell around her face as she began to cry. Aragorn laid a comforting hand on her shoulder but the Gondorian shrugged off the Dúnedain.

"The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail to the ruin of all." Celeborn said, "Yet hope remains while Company is true."

At her husband's words Galadriel smiled brightly upon Sam who blushed furiously and looked away. She motioned to Haldir who still held the now sleeping Merry in his arms.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled, go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace..." She looked to Celeborn who took the sleeping hobbit from the Marchwarden.

"Come, we will show you where you may rest." he said.

The Fellowship followed the two elves out of the talan casting last looks back toward the beautiful lady of light.

"Uh…Can I use the bathroom?" Pippin suddenly asked.


End file.
